What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 12:40
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I will be 64.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
When she asked me how she looked .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What is the most inappropriate thing your wife has done in front of you?
She found it foreign!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
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And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
So whats the point in blame.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
How can fashion design be used to make a political statement in popular culture, and society?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But ive been too sick for many years..
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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
How do empaths destroy narcissists?
It was going to be , some day.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What was your worst experience while living with roommates?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
How do I develop the patience to read books?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But, we were locked up after school.
What is the story of how you met your spouse?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
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A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was 9 years of age.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Is using tech to track or monitor your partner’s activities a sign of love, insecurity, or control?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I said to her
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.
Im still living with it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was seconnd youngest,
I don,t even have a pension.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
All the time i was locked up.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Who then, do I blame.?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She loved him until the end.
Would this be the day?
Put me off passion for life!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ive learnt so much.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We were not on the streets..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I waited trembling.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My life is so biszare .
We all went to grammer schools
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Especially a lifetime of it.
What did i know ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He knew the spot.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She married twice! .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I think the readers, may guess!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So, i spoilt her more .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But it wasn’t much.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My family never makes their pension either.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was in good health!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Was to survive, this bastard.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was scared of men, in general
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I have no regrets .
Comes on , in middle age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i lived it daily.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She wouldn,t have been !